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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23608906">(i know a girl) she's like a curse</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account'>orphan_account</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Hataraku Maou-Sama! | The Devil Is a Part-Timer!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Let's go straight people!!!!!, Pining, Rating May Change, Slow Burn</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 15:34:50</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,289</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23608906</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Emi's first mistake is saying she's dating someone when her godfather starts talking about arranging a marriage. </p><p>Her second mistake is saying she's dating <em>Maou</em>.</p><p> </p><p>or: emi learns the hard way that fake relationships don't equate fake feelings</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Maou Sadao | Satan Jacob/Yusa Emi | Emilia Justina</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>58</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. when people ask about us, now, we just brush it off</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>characterization is based more on the manga (including the high school au lol) and light novels than the anime.</p><p>title comes from shawn mendes' "why."</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It takes a week of hints about kids and weddings for Emi to catch on. Even then, she only <em>knows</em> when he says it. After Mass; Olba sits her down, and he asks her how she feels about marriage. Emi, being only nineteen, chokes on her tea and takes a good minute to stop choking. "M—marriage?" she asks as soon as she can breathe.</p><p> </p><p>"I know it's early, but it's concerning to me that you're not seeing anyone. I was talking to Father Daisuke, and I thought it might be good to arrange a—"</p><p> </p><p>"I can't!" she blurts out, "I—I'm already seeing someone, Olba-ji-san."</p><p> </p><p>His head snaps up so quickly she thinks his neck might have broken. "You have a boyfriend?"</p><p> </p><p>"Yes," she chokes out.</p><p> </p><p>"Emi... you should've told me... it's that Maou boy, isn't it?" he sighs.</p><p> </p><p>She twitches almost violently. Emi is digging herself into an early grave here. Correction: Emi has already dug herself into an early grave. And, as much as she hates Maou—really, truly <em>hates</em> Maou—she doesn't know who else she could say.</p><p> </p><p>So, she doesn't say someone else: "y—yes!" she flushes, instead, "M—<em>Sadao</em> and I... we're dating now. I don't want you to be disappointed in me... but—but I can't break up with him to be with a stranger. Not even for you, Olba-ji-san."</p><p> </p><p>"I see..." he sighs, "well... if it makes you happy... but if the two of you break up, please reconsider."</p><p> </p><p>She nods in obedience before fleeing to the safety of her bedroom. Almost immediately, she calls her closest friend in Japan, Rika. "I did a bad thing," she blurts out.</p><p> </p><p>"It's okay, I have a shovel!" Rika replies.</p><p> </p><p>"Hah..." Emi's eye twitches. "... what kind of person do you think I am?"</p><p> </p><p>Rika laughs heartily, then says, "just kidding, just kidding! What did you do, Emi?"</p><p> </p><p>Emi sighs deeply, then explains her extremely unfortunate situation to Rika, who enjoys this way too much.</p><p> </p><p>The truth is something along these lines: Emi has never dated <em>anyone</em>. She's nineteen, and she's never even been kissed—which is exceptionally pathetic since she studied abroad in America for high school. She's only even liked two people her whole life.</p><p> </p><p>Rika has only known Emi for two terms now, but whenever she can meddle in Emi's nonexistent love life, she does. And Rika is one of these... unfortunate people who are obsessed with the idea of Emi and Maou <em>dating</em>—because why would Emi ever get to have some goddamn peace?—so the Maou of it all makes this 10x worse.</p><p> </p><p>"You said you were dating Maou-kun!" Rika squeals.</p><p> </p><p>"I didn't say that; he assumed, and I didn't deny!" Emi flushes angrily. "Rika, this <em>sucks</em>! You know how much he hates Maou... I bet he starts checking up on me to see if I'm... but I can't marry some guy I don't know... who even arranges marriages anymore, what year does Olba-ji-san think it even is?"</p><p> </p><p>Rika snickers. "You know what this means! You've gotta fake date Maou-kun!" she exclaims. Emi can hear the smile on her stupid face.</p><p> </p><p>"Wh—this is real life, Rika, not one of your romcoms!" Emi huffs.</p><p> </p><p>"Hey, hey, <em>To All the Boys I've Loved Before</em> is more than just a romcom! Anyway, wouldn't that imply you're secretly into Maou? What happened to 'I hate him, he's my archnemesis, I hope he dies?'" Rika says.</p><p> </p><p>Emi stumbles over a <em>very</em> angry shut up before hanging up on the decidedly unhelpful Rika. "Fuck my life," she grumbles under her breath, "I have to come clean, don't I? Well... there's no harm putting it off."</p><p> </p><p>It turns out that there is, however, great harm in telling Rika. But Emi doesn't find that out until she walks to campus on Monday and winds up at the same crosswalk as that bastard Maou on his stupid, cheap bike.</p><p> </p><p>"Broke bastard," she mumbles when she sees him.</p><p> </p><p>He rolls his eyes, and, for a second, she thinks he's going to ignore her. Then his face lights up. "That's not a very nice way to talk to your boyfriend," he scolds.</p><p> </p><p>Emi's whole body freezes up as her face overheats. "B—boy—since when!?" she demands.</p><p> </p><p>"Well, I don't really remember agreeing to go out with you either, but your friend was telling me all about something you said to your godfather and—"</p><p> </p><p>She chucks her Hydro Flask at him. He ducks, and it lands in the gutter. "Gah," she exclaims, "my—why'd you dodge that, huh? Take your punishment like a man, Satan!"</p><p> </p><p>"What the crap? Why wouldn't I dodge? Jeez, I should dump you, but I'd feel too bad for whatever poor guy you end up marrying," he says dismissively.</p><p> </p><p>Her face turns even redder. "Stop saying that! It wasn't like that—I would never even want to pretend to be dating you! I just—he assumed, okay!? Shut up, don't laugh at me!"</p><p> </p><p>The light turns, and Maou rides off, still laughing. Then, Emi grits her teeth and chases after him, picking up her dirty Hydro Flask on her way.</p><p> </p><p>Unfortunately, they're going to the same place.</p><p> </p><p>Even more unfortunate, she has a class with that jerk.</p><p> </p><p>At the very least, she has one period to herself before the nightmare begins.</p><p> </p><p>Emi spends the entirety of her first period twisting her hands angrily. She learns absolutely nothing and knows she'll have to ask a classmate to borrow their notes after, but she's too humiliated and furious to care right now.</p><p> </p><p>It gets worse when she has to see his stupid face in her next class and he <em>waves</em> at her like they're friends or—her face turns bright red. This is not going to help her credibility about whether or not she and Maou are an item. Then, like he's trying to make this even worse, Maou sits next to her.</p><p> </p><p>"Jerk," she grumbles.</p><p> </p><p>"Like you're nice," he scoffs.</p><p> </p><p>She huffs indignantly and turns her head away from him, then mumbles under her breath about how awful he is.</p><p> </p><p>"Yusa-san, Maou-san, would the two of you shut up?" their sensei asks with a big, annoyed smile.</p><p> </p><p>Emi turns red and apologizes profusely. She makes a point to ignore Maou the best that she can for the rest of class. He seems to be doing the same, so it goes by better than she expected, even if she keeps turning red every time she remembers their conversation this morning.</p><p> </p><p>By the time class is over, Emi is kind of a mess. She's once again retained next to nothing, but this time, she's painfully aware of it.</p><p> </p><p>"Hey," Maou calls out to her as she leaves, "you forgot your death bottle." He holds her Hydro Flask up, still dirty from the gutter despite her attempts at washing it off.</p><p> </p><p>She runs over and snatches it from him. "Thanks," she grits out angrily.</p><p> </p><p>"I'll see you at MgRonald's," he smiles in part-timer mode despite not even working today. Maou has had the same shitty job at MgRonald's since summer, apparently, and he's already been made shift manager, which is apparently a huge deal.</p><p> </p><p>As much as Emi hates to admit it, Maou is an irritatingly good employee. She would know, given how often she frequents the Mag's he works at. So what if she goes to his place of employment for lunch a lot? It's not like she's eating that crap or there to see that jerk. Her friends like MgRonald's, and it's cheap, so she's not going to complain.</p><p> </p><p>Anyway, it's to be expected considering the irritating amount of friends they share. Emi thinks the only friends she has that are just hers might be Rika and her American friends from boarding school. Even then, Rika is awfully fond of this bastard. Too fond, if you ask Emi.</p><p> </p><p>No one should be fond of someone like him. Maybe he hasn't been behaving that way since she came back to Japan, but the Maou Emi grew up with is a monster. A complete and total lowlife.</p><p> </p><p>A complete and total lowlife she said she was dating.</p><p> </p><p>"I can't believe I said that," she mumbles to herself as she walks to the Hatagaya MgRonald's alone.</p><p> </p><p>A hand claps her shoulder. "Can't believe you said what, Emi?" Rika asks way too cheerily for someone who ruined Emi's life.</p><p> </p><p>Emi glowers at her. "You!" she huffs, "you told Maou about our conversation!"</p><p> </p><p>Rika flushes guiltily and scratches the back of her head. "Haha, yeah, I did, didn't I? It's not like he was opposed to it, though! He thought it was funny, and he said that if you really need a fake boyfriend, he'd help!" Rika exclaims, then, under her breath, she adds, "as long as you pay him, that is."</p><p> </p><p>"Hah!? He's trying to extort me? Stupid Maou, that absolute..." Emi huffs.</p><p> </p><p>"I mean it's that or admitting you lied and marrying some stranger," Rika points out, "what if the guy's a total creep? He could be an old pervert, Emi."</p><p> </p><p>Emi assaults the crosswalk button at that. "Even a pervert is better than Maou!" she exclaims.</p><p> </p><p>From the other side of the street, Maou himself turns around. "That's kind of rude," he calls out to her.</p><p> </p><p>"Ignore Emi, she's just bad at expressing her feelings! You know how she gets," Rika calls back.</p><p> </p><p>"I'm expressing my feelings perfectly fine!" Emi shouts, much louder than either of them.</p><p> </p><p>Maou sighs heavily. "Does she know we're in public? Anyway, your light turned," he tells them before turning back around to keep walking.</p><p> </p><p>Emi could die right now, and she wouldn't mind one bit.</p><p> </p><p>She doesn't die, though. Instead, she makes it to MgRonald's and sits with Rika and Suzuno who are also sitting with Maou, Urushihara, and Ashiya. But Emi's not sitting with those demons. Absolutely not. They're just sitting with the same people.</p><p> </p><p>This is the lie she tells herself every time they do this.</p><p> </p><p>"Oi, Emi, what do you want?" Maou asks, flicking a crumpled up straw wrapper at her.</p><p> </p><p>"I don't eat crap," she says, "but I'll have MgNuggets, I guess."</p><p> </p><p>Maou rolls his eyes at her once more.</p><p> </p><p>"Ashiya, you got that?" he asks his best friend, who's glaring at Emi for being rude to Maou.</p><p> </p><p>"Yes, Maou-san," he nods.</p><p> </p><p>"Okay, you and Urushihara go order for us then. Thanks," Maou orders.</p><p> </p><p>Emi doesn't understand why they let him talk to them like some kind of dictator, but she's just glad they're getting out of her booth.</p><p> </p><p>Rika looks at Emi and Maou sharply from the corner of her eye. Then, she grabs Suzuno by the sleeve, and declares, "I need to use the restroom. Come on, Suzuno." She leaves giggling in a way Emi can only describe as evil.</p><p> </p><p>Maou watches blankly as they leave. He takes a glance at Urushihara and Ashiya in line to order. It's kind of long. Dismayed, he turns to Emi and sighs. "Guess it's just us," he says.</p><p> </p><p>"I hate Rika," Emi says simply.</p><p> </p><p>He nods a bit. "Did she tell you about my terms?"</p><p> </p><p>"Wha—who said I wanted to take you up?" she demands.</p><p> </p><p>"I did until you decided you'd rather marry a pervert than pretend to date me," he admits, "that was kind of an evil thing to say, y'know."</p><p> </p><p>"Well, it's how I feel!" she huffs.</p><p> </p><p>"You know you'd have to consummate the marriage, right?" he points out.</p><p> </p><p>Emi flushes for the umpteenth time today. She hadn't considered that, and she's kind of annoyed that Maou would. "Why are you thinking about that, pervert?" she hisses.</p><p> </p><p>He rolls his eyes. "As annoying as you are, I don't want that kind of thing to happen to you, Emi," he says, sounding almost bored.</p><p> </p><p>Still, it's kind of touching... even if she hates him.</p><p> </p><p>"... You want me to pay you," she says, "I don't want to pay you."</p><p> </p><p>"A thousand yen an hour when we're pretending in public," he says, "that's not a lot. Anyway, your godfather is rich, isn't he? And you're on a scholarship."</p><p> </p><p>Emi huffs. "I don't want you touching me," she says.</p><p> </p><p>"What's there to touch?" he shoots back.</p><p> </p><p>She makes a fist.</p><p> </p><p>"Oi, I'm kidding. You have boobs, kind of," he says.</p><p> </p><p>That makes it worse. "Wh—are you <em>looking</em>?" she demands.</p><p> </p><p>"Do you want me to call you flat or not?" he asks.</p><p> </p><p>Before Emi can yell some more at him, Rika giggles from behind them. "Hey, doesn't this sound like a lover's quarrel, Suzuno?" she hums.</p><p> </p><p>Suzuno nods curtly. "Yes, it does. Though, that is not a very nice thing to argue about, Sadao-dono. Emi-dono's breasts are perfectly fine," she notes.</p><p> </p><p>Emi's forehead hits the table with a loud thud. "Don't talk about them so casually!" she shouts, definitely too loud for a MgRonald's, even if this happens every time they come here.</p><p> </p><p>Urushihara sighs from the front of the line. "Can you stop embarrassing us in public, Emi?" he asks, to which Emi groans and flips him off. "You know that means nothing in Japan," he reminds her.</p><p> </p><p>"Ignore him!" Rika laughs, "did you two discuss your, ah, relationship?"</p><p> </p><p>Suzuno looks alarmed at that. "Relationship?" she asks.</p><p> </p><p>Maou reaches across the booth to grab Emi's hand. She feels absolutely nothing but rage at this. "We're dating," he declares anyway.</p><p> </p><p>Emi thinks she might burst into flames if Ashiya doesn't kill her first.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>this was really short and not particularly good, but I'll admit i rushed it. it should get better as we go--i've got a few midterms to finish up first</p><p>anyway, comment! tell me what u liked or didn't like! validate me, yknow.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. (i don't know why) i don't know who she is</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>chapter title comes from harry styles' she</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>There's a long, drawn-out moment where every ounce of Emi's being burns, starting from where her hand is tethered to <em>Maou's</em>. She rips her hand away from his, and it's over. It's done; Maou said they were dating. Maou told a girl who likes him that he's in a relationship with Emi. <em>Publicly</em>. <em>Loudly</em>. Almost like he was <em>proud</em> of it.</p><p> </p><p>It's a horrifying thought, so Emi fumbles with her words for a moment before choking out, "he's kidding," weakly.</p><p> </p><p>Suzuno frowns at them both. "That would not be a very funny joke, and I do not think Sadao-dono was joking," she says, as blunt as ever. She looks upset, though. Of course, she does; she likes Maou for some ungodly reason Emi cannot begin to comprehend.</p><p> </p><p>"I'm not," Maou says bravely, reaching out for Emi's hand a second time, "Emi confessed to me over the weekend. I finally gave her my response while you were gone."</p><p> </p><p>Emi's eye twitches. Why the hell does she have to be the one doing the confessing? This is absolutely humiliating. "H—hey!" she flushes angrily, "not so loud! People can hear you! And shut up, bastard, I didn't confess anything. There's nothing to confess!" This time, though, she doesn't yank her hand out of his.</p><p> </p><p>Suzuno folds her hands together, then bows. "I hope the two of you will be happy together," she says simply.</p><p> </p><p>Rika gazes in awe. "Yeah... they're a really cute couple, aren't they, Suzuno?"</p><p> </p><p>A reluctant nod.</p><p> </p><p>Emi wants nothing more than to drop to dead right now. Correction: Emi is going to drop dead right now. She knows this when Ashiya crushes her box of MgNuggets with his bare hands.</p><p> </p><p>"Hey, I paid for that," Urushihara sulks.</p><p> </p><p>"Maou-san," Ashiya grits out, "did I hear correctly that you're dating that... that—"</p><p> </p><p>Before Emi can dare him to spit out his worst, Maou stands up, dragging Emi up with him. "Emi is my girlfriend now, Ashiya. You can't talk about her like you used to anymore. Is that understood?" He seems so cool right now—the absolute perfect boyfriend.</p><p> </p><p>Emi would be floored if she didn't know this bastard was just in employee mode.</p><p> </p><p>"Stop saying that!" she huffs, "I didn't agree to be your girlfriend, jerk!"</p><p> </p><p>"I dunno, Emi, I seem to remember you telling me how you even told your uncle about your confession to Maou-kun on Sunday," Rika hums, unhelpful as always.</p><p> </p><p>Emi opens and closes her mouth angrily for a good minute before Maou pats her head with his free hand. She swats it away, but the damage is done. She may have dug herself into the hole, but Maou just buried her.</p><p> </p><p>She barely manages to say anything to defend herself as her friends and Maou and his friends bully her for the rest of their lunch break. Worse still, she has to listen to Maou make things up about how she confessed to him and he was so torn up that he couldn't even say anything to Ashiya about it.</p><p> </p><p>"I'd never really thought of Emi like that—I mean... in passing, sure. But I never would have taken her seriously if she hadn't practically thrown herself at me. She kissed me—it was kind of embarrassing," he laughs.</p><p> </p><p>"Shut up, that didn't happen!"</p><p> </p><p>"I see," Suzuno ignores her, "Emi-dono does have a sweet side, even with men."</p><p> </p><p>"... Did you think I was a lesbian, Suzuno-chan?" Emi mumbles lowly, "I thought I told you all I'm bi."</p><p> </p><p>Rika has stars in her eyes like she doesn't know this is all an elaborate and embarrassing lie when she says, "yeah, she totally does! I can't believe she finally showed it to Maou-kun!"</p><p> </p><p>Emi buries her face in her hands. She'll have to start planning the wake for her pride and dignity immediately now that Maou has killed them both. Then she'll have to plan his wake once she kills him for this. By the time she has to head back to campus, Emi thinks the wake might be for them both.</p><p> </p><p>She gathers her things, says goodbye to Suzuno and defiantly not Rika, and gets up to go.</p><p> </p><p>Maou grabs her hand.</p><p> </p><p>"... What?" she asks, blushing with deep irritation at yet another public display of faux affection.</p><p> </p><p>"I'll walk with you," he says even though his next class isn't for another hour.</p><p> </p><p>She stares blankly at him before tearing her hand away from his. "Fine, but you better hurry up, you jerk," she huffs to Rika's enthusiasm and everyone else's (with the exception of Urushihara who doesn't seem to be interested) dismay.</p><p> </p><p>Emi doesn't let Maou touch her as they leave the MgRonald's. The second they're far enough away from the fast-food joint, she punches him. "Don't extort me, demon!" she shouts.</p><p> </p><p>"Jesus!" he wails, "I'm not extorting you; I'm <em>helping</em> you!"</p><p> </p><p>She huffs and starts walking back to campus, ignoring him. When he follows, she huffs again. "How is it helping to humiliate me in front of Suzuno?" she demands.</p><p> </p><p>"I had a little fun with it, so what? The point is that our friends believe us as a couple in case your godfather asks any questions. Seriously, Emi, I don't want you getting stuck marrying some creepy old man or whatever. I think you're a pain in the ass, but everyone has standards," he says, walking next to her but not bothering with any faux PDA.</p><p> </p><p>Emi flushes angrily. "What's with you going to the most perverted scenario?! What if he's my age and really handsome and chivalrous, did you think about that!?"</p><p> </p><p>Maou grabs her wrist. "Suzuki says you've never dated anyone. Are you seriously okay with a stranger being your first—"</p><p> </p><p>She steps on his toe. "My virginity is none of your business!" she shouts.</p><p> </p><p>People stare.</p><p> </p><p>This time, Maou turns red. "That's not what I was talking about! Don't make me sound like such a pervert! I was gonna say your first boyfriend!"</p><p> </p><p>"... Oh, sorry," Emi mumbles bashfully.</p><p> </p><p>He scratches the back of his head. "It's fine.."</p><p> </p><p>"If you'll excuse me, I have to get to class," she huffs once more and walks away.</p><p> </p><p>Finally, he gives up on following her.</p><p> </p><p>She shows up at his shitty six tatami apartment after his last class anyway. It's not unusual for them; she shows up at his apartment sometimes to yell at him or to eat when Suzuno is over, and he has no idea where Emi lives. It doesn't make them friends.</p><p> </p><p>It just makes them Maou and Emi, and there's nothing special about that. There hasn't been since they met in junior high.</p><p> </p><p>It's so unspecial that, as always, Emi knocks angrily, Ashiya warns Maou that she's here, and Urushihara lets her in with a heavy sigh. "Your troublesome girlfriend's here," he calls out as though Ashiya hadn't just exclaimed that the "wicked woman" was here. He says girlfriend kind of weird though. It's almost mocking.</p><p> </p><p>She doesn't blame him. "Shut up," she says instead before pushing past him. "Maou," she says, "can—can we talk?"</p><p> </p><p>He looks up at her, then gets up. He follows her into the outside hall and smacks the door so Ashiya and Urushihara won't eavesdrop before speaking. "What's up?" he asks.</p><p> </p><p>"... I've decided to agree to—to be your... girlfriend," she forces herself to say. "Only in front of other people," she adds as an afterthought.</p><p> </p><p>He smiles his best customer service smile, then says, "I'm glad to hear that, Emi! But you should start calling me Sadao if we're gonna be a couple."</p><p> </p><p>Emi snorts, "no one our age is named Sadao!"</p><p> </p><p>"You know you're kind of a bully," he squints at her, annoyed. "Anyway, stop being evil to me for a minute so we can lay out some ground rules."</p><p> </p><p>She twists her hands together nervously at that. "Your roommates are nosy. Let's go somewhere else," she mumbles.</p><p> </p><p>They don't get farther than the nearest Moonbucks. Emi sits as far away from Maou as she can while still sitting at the same table as him. It makes them look like an odd couple, but given their history, they might be the oddest couple Maou can think of.</p><p> </p><p>He pulls out a notebook and starts drawing up what looks like a contract. He titles it "Terms of Agreement" which Emi thinks makes it just a little bit better. It's very impersonal, just how she wants it.</p><p> </p><p>"So first is the matter of payment, of course. You know how much I'm asking for," he says, "and obviously we can't tell anyone this isn't real. Other than that, we should cover boundaries. What are you okay with for this?"</p><p> </p><p>Emi thinks it's kind of an alarming question. "... What do you mean?" she asks suspiciously.</p><p> </p><p>"I've held your hand, but you didn't seem to like that. Still, we have to do some kind of couple-like thing to make people believe us," he says quietly so that no one can overhear.</p><p> </p><p>"... You can hold my hand. That's it," she says firmly.</p><p> </p><p>He writes down that hand holding is allowed, then looks up at her expectantly. He's being so direct that it kind of catches her off guard.</p><p> </p><p>"What?" she asks.</p><p> </p><p>"Shouldn't kissing be allowed... if the situation calls for it? It would be weird if we were dating, and I never kissed you," he points out slowly, as though he's trying not to get killed for saying this.</p><p> </p><p>Emi glares daggers at him anyway, and if looks could kill, Maou Sadao would be a dead man right now.</p><p> </p><p>"So no kissing, but you have to call me Sadao," he says.</p><p> </p><p>"Fine. I'll call you Sadao even though that's the name of a 90-year-old man," she huffs defiantly.</p><p> </p><p>His eye twitches angrily. "What a lousy girl," he mutters. "We have to go on dates, or at least say we are," he says pointedly. "Maybe we can get away with not kissing in public, but what kind of couple doesn't go out?"</p><p> </p><p>She grips her iced coffee tightly, her knuckles turning a fleshy white as she takes a long, angry sip. "Fine," she finally bites out. "If you try anything, I get to kill you, though," she adds.</p><p> </p><p>Maou rolls his eyes, but he writes it down. He doesn't make a quip about her chest which is... weirdly nice for him.</p><p> </p><p>It almost makes Emi smile. She's glad he's at least in employee-mode; he would be completely intolerable if he was being his usual bastard self right now. She sighs sadly, annoyed at what she has to say next, "thanks for doing this." It makes her feel almost nauseous to thank him like this, but she's a nice person, so she has to.</p><p> </p><p>It's the right thing to do. Emi's always trying to do the right thing.</p><p> </p><p>"No problem. After all, you're paying," he grins almost charmingly.</p><p> </p><p>"... You make it sound gross," she complains.</p><p> </p><p>She signs with his 100 yen store pen anyway. Maou reaches out to shake her hand afterward. It feels very reminiscent of those goddamn romcom movies Rika is obsessed with, so Emi glares at him for it.</p><p> </p><p>"Sheesh, you're cold," he mutters.</p><p> </p><p>She huffs, then says, "actually you're just gross."</p><p> </p><p>He snorts, "unfortunately you're 'dating' me now, Emi." There's a beat, then he reaches over and grabs the iced coffee from her side of the table. He takes a long sip. From her straw.</p><p> </p><p>Emi can barely think, but she knows one thing: she's going to <em>kill</em> this jerk. First, he runs around telling people she kissed him; now he's stealing indirect kisses from her. Her face is burning up angrily just thinking about the gross implications.</p><p> </p><p>"What? You know I'm too broke to get my own iced coffee, and it cost you like 1000 yen anyway; consider this your first payment," he says obliviously.</p><p> </p><p>This fucking—</p><p> </p><p>"Now I have to throw this drink out," she mumbles bitterly before trying to steal it back.</p><p> </p><p>"Huh? Just let me have it, jeez!" he exclaims, grappling with her for it. His hands are gross and cold over hers as she tries to snatch the drink away from him so he can't drink from her straw again.</p><p> </p><p>Finally, she relinquishes her hold on the cup.</p><p> </p><p>She doesn't say a single word to him the whole walk back to his shitty six tatami apartment. Not until he asks if she wants to stay for dinner, at least.</p><p> </p><p>Then: "... Fine."</p><p> </p><p>She's uncharacteristically quiet the whole dinner too, even as Ashiya tries to pick a fight and Urushihara antagonizes her. It's driving Maou kind of crazy. He's never known Emi to be the quiet type. Not even when they were kids; Emi has always been loud and abrasive around him.</p><p> </p><p>Still, he doesn't ask about it. It's probably something annoying, and anyway, Emi's feelings aren't his problem.</p><p> </p><p>"Do you want some more tea?" Ashiya offers. He hates Emi a lot more than Maou ever has, but he hates not being the perfect host even more.</p><p> </p><p>Emi nods quietly.</p><p> </p><p>"Damn, woman, are you ever gonna speak again?" Urushihara sighs.</p><p> </p><p>"... Maou stole an indirect kiss from me," she mumbles, looking kind of pissed off and confused.</p><p> </p><p>From the kitchen, Ashiya looks like he might cry.</p><p> </p><p>"Is that why you've been so weird?" Maou asks in disbelief.</p><p> </p><p>Urushihara looks unbelievably bored. "Isn't he your boyfriend now, Emi? And didn't you kiss him when you confessed?" he asks with a loud yawn.</p><p> </p><p>"I'm going home," she announces. In a blur, she gets up, grabs her bag, and is out the door.</p><p> </p><p>Maou really doesn't get that girl. Still, he gets up to follow after her. It makes her trip on the stairs like she's always doing. Luckily, he manages to grab her arm before she falls.</p><p> </p><p>"Oi, learn to use the stairs," he grunts, pulling her up towards him.</p><p> </p><p>She stumbles awkwardly before taking a huge step away from him. "What do you want?" she snaps.</p><p> </p><p>"It's getting late. I figured I should be a good boyfriend and walk you home," he says like it's obvious.</p><p> </p><p>She really hates how casually he's calling himself her boyfriend. Maybe it's for appearances, but this whole fake dating Maou thing is humiliating. She has no idea how long this is going to last, but she hopes God will make it less painful than she thinks it will be.</p><p> </p><p>As much as she hates this, she doesn't say he can't walk her home.</p><p> </p><p>He's quiet as he follows her, keeping enough space between them for her to feel comfortable. She's thankful for that if nothing else. So even though Maou has never been to her house, she lets this happen.</p><p> </p><p>Wait.</p><p> </p><p><em>Olba-oji-san</em>.</p><p> </p><p>"Crap," she mutters, "Olba-oji-san will be home."</p><p> </p><p>"So? Isn't it kind of perfect? He can verify that we're together, so he'll back off with the stuff about that guy," Maou says. He's way too nonchalant if you ask Emi.</p><p> </p><p>"He'll ask questions," she replies.</p><p> </p><p>"I already have the story of how we got together. Don't worry about this, Emi. I've got it handled," he grins at her.</p><p> </p><p>She wants to hit him for it. "Don't be stupid! He's gonna ask about more than that! Do you know anything about me at all?" she snaps.</p><p> </p><p>For the first time, it hits him. He's known Emi since they were twelve, but he really doesn't know anything about her. "I don't. So fill me in. What kind of questions do you think he'll ask?"</p><p> </p><p>"He'll ask what our first date was," she admits, embarrassed. "Tell him you took me out for curry. I love curry... it's my favorite food." This already feels like too much. She's never wanted Maou to get close to her unless it was close enough for her to snap his neck.</p><p> </p><p>"Okay, noted," he nods. "Anything else I should know?"</p><p> </p><p>She hits the crosswalk kind of hard. "He'll wanna know what you like about me. So you better figure out something nice to say about me," she tells him.</p><p> </p><p>He stares at her for a good moment. Something he likes about Emi... that's a tough one. She's really loud and annoying and she's always assuming the worst about him, but if he had to pick something nice about her... "I like that you're pretty," he notes.</p><p> </p><p>She glares at him. "That's all you can say? I know we're archenemies but seriously."</p><p> </p><p>"Hang on, I'm thinking... you're always trying to do the right thing even though you're a pain in the ass about it. And I don't feel like I have to have any restraint around you. Is that good?" he asks.</p><p> </p><p>The light turns. She doesn't cross yet. "... Can you just make something up? Say I'm nice or you like spending time with me or something like that. This was your stupid idea; you should really be better prepared for this." She's still not crossing.</p><p> </p><p>Annoyed, Maou starts to cross without her.</p><p> </p><p>She rushes after him. "Don't act like you know the way," she half-shouts. "Other than that, he might ask what your intentions are, so don't say anything gross, okay? Seriously, I'll kill you."</p><p> </p><p>He waves her off. "What kind of employee do you think I am, Emi?"</p><p> </p><p>It turns out, Maou is a better employee than Emi thought.</p><p> </p><p>After he walks her to her door, he shakes Olba's hand like he doesn't know Olba doesn't like him, and with good reason too. He answers the way she told him too. He says his intentions are to be with Emi as long as she'll have him, which might just be the most humiliating thing she's ever heard.</p><p> </p><p>Then, before he goes, he says something that really catches her off guard: "Meyer-san, I hope you can put the things my father did and the mistakes I made in junior high behind you. I'm sorry, and I'm not that person anymore. I really like Emi, so, for her sake, I want to be someone you can trust."</p><p> </p><p>Emi hates him. She really, really hates him because there's no way he means any of that. The moment the door is closed, she runs off to her bedroom and calls Rika but gets her voicemail.</p><p> </p><p>"This was a stupid idea," she sighs into her phone, "really stupid, Rika. I hate you. Call me back when you get this."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>i love comments and kudos so if u like it, lmk!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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